Ways to be intimidating

Because that’s the great thing about being assertive: It’s a skill we can learn and practice. Dealing with intimidating people can shake our confidence and trigger self-doubt, said psychotherapist Michelle Farris, LMFT.

Sometimes we find them intimidating because these individuals dominate the conversation, express their opinions as facts and expect others to back down, she said.

It means expressing your thoughts, feelings, needs and wants in a relationship, said psychologist Julie de Azevedo Hanks, Ph. However, many of us have a hard time being assertive with certain people. Maybe it’s someone you perceive as more powerful or even “better” than you.

Either way, one thing is clear: You find yourself being passive and unable to speak your truth. According to psychotherapist Michelle Farris, LMFT, “over time, not speaking up makes you feel like a doormat.” This sinks your self-esteem, sets you up to be a victim and makes you feel powerless, she said.

In the previous piece about being assertive with people who intimidate you, we talked about clarifying your values, starting small and shifting your thinking about the intimidating person.

As a fan, something took over me and I introduced myself to him with little more than a smile, my name and some words of appreciation for his work. Kelsey stood up, asked me about myself, introduced me to his wife and thanked me sincerely from stopping by. She was very warm and chatty and shared her story with me as to how she got started in the culinary business. Most people -- including famous people -- are cool! Sometimes, if you make the first social move and say hello, you might be eradicating two people's nerves. You are giving power to your ego when you worry/overthink. Or as Arianna Huffington calls it, the "obnoxious roommate in your head...

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It’s a word that’s sometimes used in a bad way, because it can also describe someone who seems unapproachable, but overall, most people strive to come off as intimidating rather than timid or quiet.

After all, being intimidating doesn’t have to mean you’re rude or awful – it can mean that you have a certain quality about you that makes you seem powerful, in a way. If it’s about being more confident, then we should all want to be more intimidating.

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